My Journey

From mind to paper and back again.

All the pain of pregnancy and labour goes away…

or so they say.  And I am inclined to believe them.  If I could remember Oliver’s pregnancy being this difficult I wouldn’t have done it again, don’t get me wrong, I would never not want to meet this new little man, but my body is struggling to cope this time around 😦

The cholestasis is bad, with scratching everywhere I have cuts, scabs and scratches all over my body – no rash, I just get really itchy to the point where I can be in tears while I am scratching but there is nothing I can do to stop myself.  The medication is helping to control the bile acid rise in my blood stream but that doesn’t control the itchiness… so I am stuck with baths and menthol aqueous creams which work for a few minutes and then it starts all over again.

Top the cholestasis off with gestational diabetes, I am on tablets three times a day for that, having to test my blood sugars after every meal as well.  Then add on  the vitamin D deficiency, the iron deficiency, and the fact that I have hypothyroidism as well and you can tell I am like a walking chemist.  On a regular day I am taking 12 tablets before the need for paracetamol because oh yes, I have just been diagnosed with SPD… no wonder I can barely walk. 

I am 32 weeks and 6 days today and my consultant has said with everything that is going on, and with the fact that I had a spontaneous labour at 36 weeks with Oliver, that I am not likely to get to 36 weeks this time, which means that the baby is likely to be here in around 3 weeks and is likely to need a short stay in the NICU as well.  This is it for me, as much as I love being a mum, two little boys are definitely enough for me, they are my world already, but I couldn’t have a third baby.  I would rather stay as healthy as possible, spend some time after Christmas cutting down and losing weight (hopefully once baby is here I will lose all my baby weight as I have only gained 7lb in total and at my last growth scan he was weighing an ounce under 4lb, so when cord, placenta, waters etc are taken into account, I don’t think I have done too badly).  I want to be able to get down on the floor with both of them and do jigsaws or play row row your boat and be able to get up again at the end of it!  I want to take them both on the park without hobbling from one thing to the next and I want to be able to carry and lift them like there is nothing wrong with me.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have a slipped disc which I will be seeking treatment for again once the baby has arrived and I know that will impact on my quality of health, but I am determined to do everything I can to get healthier.  I get that everything I do can have an impact on things so if I can lose some weight and it eventually comes to needing another back operation, it will be a shorter recovery timescale than if I remain at my present weight.  I’m tired of being tired and at 7am I am yawning as I write this but this little man will all be worth it when he arrives x

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Why does customer loyalty no longer matter?


It bugs me but I got my car insurance renewal through the other day.  With my no claims etc you think it would be going down – but no.  £1093 for the year fully comp!  I have done a search on the internet and can get it for £400 – £450 with the same level of cover so I certainly won’t be going back to them which is a shame as I have had no issues with them at all.   I gave them a call and the gent told me he could have a look and see what else he could do, he managed to knock it down to £650 over £400 less than the quote I was sent – why is there such a difference??? The mind boggles, it really does.  Surely it would make more sense to say your quote is £650 and have less people leaving because they aren’t trying to charge extortionate prices?  Oh well that’s my rant for the morning out of the way.

Been back to the hospital this morning – my bile acid results have gone down to 35.3 which is still high but obviously not as high as 40.4, the monitoring was fine and they have taken more blood tests so hopefully they will have the results ready for when I go back on Saturday.  There is no change to the plan at the moment – still got to go at 9am Saturday morning for it all to be done again and then on Monday I have to go in at 3pm for blood tests, monitoring and blood pressure, then I have a growth scan at 4pm and my consultant appointment is after that.  Then I have to go back on Wednesday for normal observations – and the midwife has said that they will go through my birth plan at that point for me as I am 34 weeks today and they don’t think I’ll go much past 37 now if at all.  Here’s my bump pic for the week:


I didn’t do any stitching yesterday as I had such a bad day.  I was tired and felt rubbish in myself, I had no energy to do anything other than scratch so I will be doing some today to make up for it.  I will post a quick update tonight to show you what I’ve managed x

I hope everyone is well x


30 weeks gone!

Well 30 weeks have passed and I am now counting down into single figures (as long as I don’t go over due).  I can’t believe what a journey it has been so far and in a way I feel like I’m ready for baby to be here now! I know I shouldn’t wish the pregnancy away but it is starting to get really hard on my back and other things are starting to be affected now so I’m finding it difficult to find that balance.

Here is my 30 week picture – not much more of an explosion in size this week but my bump is higher (and I’ve lost 2lb this week even though baby is measuring bigger still).  Please excuse the clothes and Pepsi who seems to be looking on in many of the pictures that have anything to do with the baby.



I’ll be keeping weekly track now of my bump to see how much of a change there is in the last few weeks as baby should be gaining weight quite quickly now according to all the websites I’ve read up on.  How much weight is anyone’s guess until the next scan at 33 weeks and 4 days.  Hopefully they will be able to give Andrew and I a little more information then and we’ll also be able to look at birth options as we are seeing the consultant straight afterwards so she should have all the information for us then.  I think some of it may depend on the baby and how I am carrying.  Other bits may rely on size, my thyroid issues and my slipped disc.  I don’t want a c-section (emergency or otherwise) so if they want to intervene it will have to be an induction unless there are real worries about the birth.  Which I don’t think there will be.

We can tell that the baby is definitely getting bigger now – apart from the fact that the midwife has shown us how to measure my bump – movements are much easier to see and feel.  I’ve been really struggling to sleep as the baby is active from between 2am and 3am onwards until lunch and then seems to have a nap.  Did you know that at 30 weeks gestation a baby can dream?  I find it fascinating! I mean other than the sounds that they hear and movement that they feel they have no concept of fairy tales or the outside world so what could they possibly dream about?  Where the next kick is going to be in Mummy’s bladder? He he!

There was another strange moment the other day, and due to it I think our baby likes rock music like Daddy. I was on the phone talking to my cousin and there was a music channel on in the background playing classic soft rock.  During a natural pause in the conversation I realised that the baby was kicking in time with the music! It’s so strange how there are bits of personality coming through even before the birth.  I feel like I could tell you all about him and the routine we have, what he does and doesn’t like food wise, and what he likes to be doing.  I can’t wait to find out how close to the mark I am.  I do think he will be like Andrew in a lot of his ways though, Andrew is a morning person whereas the only day of the year I can ever conceive to be happy in the morning is Christmas Day when Santa has been!  Other than that, if I am up early you can guarantee that I’m not happy about it.  I struggle with a lack of sleep and so far this past few weeks I’ve been surviving on just 5 or 6 hours a night.  I’ve been going to bed at around 8.30pm – 9.30pm and sleeping until around 2am or 3am then it’s been impossible for me to get back to sleep.   I suppose it’s a routine I should get used to as I don’t think it will change much once November is here.

Right I suppose I must go and find my mobile (which I left on silent and have now misplaced).  Baby brain is well and truly setting in!  I wouldn’t mind but I had it less than an hour ago to give the number to the health visitor.  What silly things did you do due to baby brain?  I think us mums and mums to be should lobby to have it turned as a real medical condition not just a turn of phrase! x

See you all soon – if not before then this time next week for the next bump picture! x Enjoy your weekend x


Back in Hospital


I don’t know how many different wards I have been on in DRI since my back started playing up last year or how many different doctors I have seen but I know that I want to be sorted so I can go home and just get on with my life.  I’m fed up of not being able to do normal things, like clean up, cook a meal, walk a few meters without needing to lean on something or stop or even go to work.  It’s frustrating as hell.

This time I’m in with gall stones which seem to have taken over my gall bladder completely – I think it is due to all the tablets I have been taking for my back pain in the past 18 months.  Anyway I got put on an outpatients waiting list to have it out last week, and then 6 days later I ended up coming back in through A&E as the pain was unbearable.  I must admit it has eased off a little but I’m getting spasms every now and again, especially after eating, even if it is the hospital low fat option.  I have been told that my liver function is deteriorating and so I had to go for a scan today – an MRCP which is like an MRI scan but they put something over you before you go in the machine and that was to check to see if there are any gall stones in my liver that could be causing the issue.  I don’t know how that went as yet as the consultant was in surgery this evening and I wont see him until he comes back in the morning to do rounds.  I will also have the added issue of them wanting to take more blood.  It took 3 people 10 attempts last week including trying in my foot and it was agonising.  In the end they gave up on trying to take blood and just put a cannula in to attach a saline drip.  This week I’ve had 4 people have 8 attempts, they eventually managed to get the blood but haven’t been able to get a cannula in so that’s been fun.  I’m black and blue and have new bruises on top of old ones.

The doctor in A&E said they might think about moving my surgery forward but the one I have seen today said if there is an issue with my liver they will have to approach it a different way.  I’ve been moved off the assessment unit onto a ward and was hoping for some sleep as last night I only managed 3 hours with the late blood pressure tests and obs, and then waking up at the crack of dawn because the lady opposite was telling me about her imaginary friend the ‘devil’ who wouldn’t leave her alone and he was going to come and get her.  Sadly it isn’t to be though.  It’s after half two on Saturday morning and I’ve not even managed to doze as yet as there is a lady opposite who snores louder than my dog at home and a young girl next to her who I feel really sorry for, she is in an awful lot of pain and they rescheduled her surgery so she has spent the night alternating between crying and being sick.  The only person in the room getting any sleep is the one that is snoring and she is keeping 2 out of the other 3 of us awake Sad smile lol

I was going to do some sewing but as I haven’t got my needle with me – I have everything I need but – that plan has gone down the drain and I spent all day between spasms doing uni work to get ahead on E301 which is now officially my honours module as I got a grade 3 pass on U211 which completed my degree BA Open (Open) without honours.  This time next year I am hoping for BA hons Open (Open) and to graduate in Manchester where my mum and dad can come and watch at the Bridgewater hall.  Best not get too far ahead of myself though, I’ve the entire module to do (other than the first chapter which I have been working through today).  Fingers crossed I can increase my first TMA mark from last year and head for a level 2 pass… fingers crossed. 

Anyway, I’m off for the night to listen some music and do nothing to see if I can drop off.  Night all x